A Happy Home and how to make it(Family Life)-STUDY

The Complete Home

Where and by whom were the foundations of the home laid?

Genesis 2:8 the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden and there he put the man whom he had formed  

Ezekiel 31:8-9 the garden of God could not hide him

In making this home, what besides man was needed?

Genesis 2:18 and the lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.”

Note— Patriarchs and Prophets Pg 46-47. After the creation of Adam every living creature was brought before him to receive its name; he saw that to each had been given a companion, but among them “there was not found an help meet for him.” Among all the creatures that God had made on the earth, there was not one equal to man. And God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Man was not made to dwell in solitude; he was to be a social being. Without companionship the beautiful scenes and delightful employments of Eden would have failed to yield perfect happiness. Even communion with angels could not have satisfied his desire for sympathy and companionship. There was none of the same nature to love and to be loved.

God Himself gave Adam a companion. He provided “an help meet for him”–a helper corresponding to him-one who was fitted to be his companion, and who could be one with him in love and sympathy. Eve was created from a rib taken from the side of Adam, signifying that she was not to control him as the head, nor to be trampled under his feet as an inferior, but to stand by his side as an equal, to be loved and protected by him. A part of man, bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh, she was his second self, showing the close union and the affectionate attachment that should exist in this relation. “For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it.” Ephesians 5:29. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one.”

God celebrated the first marriage. Thus the institution has for its originator the Creator of the universe. “Marriage is honorable” (Hebrews 13:4); it was one of the first gifts of God to man, and it is one of the two institutions that, after the Fall, Adam brought with him beyond the gates of Paradise. When the divine principles are recognized and obeyed in this relation, marriage is a blessing; it guards the purity and happiness of the race, it provides for man’s social needs, it elevates the physical, the intellectual, and the moral nature.

“And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there He put the man whom He had formed.” Everything that God had made was the perfection of beauty, and nothing seemed wanting that could contribute to the happiness of the holy pair; yet the Creator gave them still another token of His love, by preparing a garden especially for their home. In this garden were trees of every variety, many of them laden with fragrant and delicious fruit. There were lovely vines, growing upright, yet presenting a most graceful appearance, with their branches drooping under their load of tempting fruit of the richest and most varied hues. It was the work of Adam and Eve to train the branches of the vine to form bowers, thus making for themselves a dwelling from living trees covered with foliage and fruit. There were fragrant flowers of every hue in rich profusion. In the midst of the garden stood the tree of life, surpassing in glory all other trees. Its fruit appeared like apples of gold and silver, and had the power to perpetuate life.

After creating Adam and Eve, what did God say to them?

Genesis 1:28  He blessed them and God said unto them, Be fruitful and multiply

1 Corinthians 11:8-11 the man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man

Genesis 2:21-24 the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept and he took one of his ribs

Proverbs 18:22 whosoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honorable in all, the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge

Note-I love you –[By Gordon.O. Martinborough] In the graceful garden of Eden amid the beauties of rolling hills and peaceful plains, singing trees and babbling brooks chirping, birds and fragrant flowers amid the splendor and wonder of it all, God performed the first marriage there. Above the music of nature and the theme of angels the melody of God’s voice sounded: “for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh.”

To what are the wife and children of the man who fears and loves the lord likened?

Psalm 128:2,3 thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table

Isaiah 3:10 the righteous that it shall be well with him: for they shall eat the fruit of their doings

Ezekiel 19:10 thy mother, planted by the waters she was fruitful and full of branches

Psalm 52:8 I am like a green olive tree in the house of God: I trust in the mercy of God forever and ever

What are the children declared to be?

Proverb 17:6 children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers

Psalm 127.3 children are an heritage of the lord the fruit of the womb is his reward

Note—Testimonies Vol. 3 pg 147- 148   Mothers who have youthful minds to train and the characters of children to form should not seek the excitement of the world in order to be cheerful and happy. They have an important lifework, and they and theirs cannot afford to spend time in an unprofitable manner. Time is one of the important talents which God has entrusted to us and for which He will call us to account. A waste of time is a waste of intellect. The powers of the mind are susceptible of high cultivation. It is the duty of mothers to cultivate their minds and keep their hearts pure. They should improve every means within their reach for their intellectual and moral improvement, that they may be qualified to improve the minds of their children. Those who indulge their disposition to be in company will soon feel restless unless visiting or entertaining visitors. Such have not the power of adaptation to circumstances. The necessary, sacred home duties seem commonplace and uninteresting to them. They have no love for self-examination or self-discipline. The mind hungers for the varying, exciting scenes of worldly life; children are neglected for the indulgence of inclination; and the recording angel writes: “Unprofitable servants.” God designs that our minds should not be purposeless, but should accomplish good in this life.

     If parents would feel that it is a solemn duty enjoined upon them of God to educate their children for usefulness in this life; if they would adorn the inner temple of the souls of their sons and daughters for the immortal life, we should see a great change in society for the better. There would not then be manifest so great indifference to practical godliness, and it would not be so difficult to arouse the moral sensibilities of children to understand the claims that God has upon them. But parents become more and more careless in the education of their children in the useful branches. Many parents allow their children to form wrong habits and to follow their own inclination, and fail to impress upon their minds the danger of their doing this and the necessity of their being controlled by principle.

     Children frequently begin a piece of work with enthusiasm, but, becoming perplexed or wearied with it, they wish to change and take hold of something new. Thus they may take hold of several things, meet with a little discouragement, and give them up; and so they pass from one thing to another, perfecting nothing. Parents should not allow the love of change to control their children. They should not be so much engaged with other things that they will have no time to patiently discipline the developing minds. A few words of encouragement, or a little help at the right time, may carry them over their trouble and discouragement, and the satisfaction they will derive from seeing the task completed that they undertook will stimulate them to greater exertion.      Many children, for want of words of encouragement and a little assistance in their efforts, become disheartened and change from one thing to another. And they carry this sad defect with them in mature life. They fail to make a success of anything they engage in, for they have not been taught to persevere under discouraging circumstances. Thus the entire lifetime of many proves a failure, because they did not have correct discipline when young. The education received in childhood and youth affects their entire business career in mature life, and their religious experience bears a corresponding stamp.

Relationship of husband and wife

How should the wife relate herself to her husband?

Ephesians 5:22-23 submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of god

Philippians 2:3 let nothing be done through strife of vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem the other better than themselves

Genesis 3:16 thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee

Colossians 3:18-19 wives, submit yourselves unto your husband, as it is fit in the lord

1Peter 3:1 ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands, that, if any your obey not the word, they…may … be won by the conversation of the wives

Ephesians 5:3 Fornication and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you

Titus 2:4-5 love their husbands,to be discreet,chaste,keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed

1Corinthians 11:3 the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God

1 Peter 3:5-7 the holy woman also who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands

Note-[Ministry of Healing pp. 310-312]-  Though difficulties, perplexities, and discouragements may arise, let neither husband nor wife harbor the thought that their union is a mistake or a disappointment. Determine to be all that it is possible to be to each other. Continue the early attentions. In every way encourage each other in fighting the battles of life. Study to advance the happiness of each other. Let there be mutual love, mutual forbearance. Then marriage, instead of being the end of love, will be as it were the very beginning of love. The warmth of true friendship, the love that binds heart to heart, is a foretaste of the joys of heaven.

           Around every family there is a sacred circle that should be kept unbroken. Within this circle no other person has a right to come. Let not the husband or the wife permit another to share the confidences that belong solely to themselves.

     Let each give love rather than exact it. Cultivate that which is noblest in yourselves, and be quick to recognize the good qualities in each other. The consciousness of being appreciated is a wonderful stimulus and satisfaction. Sympathy and respect encourage the striving after excellence, and love itself increases as it stimulates to nobler aims.

     Neither the husband nor the wife should merge his or her individuality in that of the other. Each has a personal relation to God. Of Him each is to ask, “What is right?” “What is wrong?” “How may I best fulfill life’s purpose?” Let the wealth of your affection flow forth to Him who gave His life for you. Make Christ first and last and best in everything. As your love for Him becomes deeper and stronger, your love for each other will be purified and strengthened.

The spirit that Christ manifests toward us is the spirit that husband and wife are to manifest toward each other. “As Christ also hath loved us,” “walk in love.” “As the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it.” Ephesians 5:2, 24, 25.

Neither the husband nor the wife should attempt to exercise over the other an arbitrary control. Do not try to compel each other to yield to your wishes. You cannot do this and retain each other’s love. Be kind, patient, and forbearing, considerate, and courteous. By the grace of God you can succeed in making each other happy, as in your marriage vow you promised to do.
 Note: Ministry of Healing pg. 362 – Happiness in unselfish service     But remember that happiness will not be found in shutting yourselves up to yourselves, satisfied to pour out all your affection upon each other. Seize upon every opportunity for contributing to the happiness of those around you. Remember that true joy can be found only in unselfish service.

     Forbearance and unselfishness mark the words and acts of all who live the new life in Christ. As you seek to live His life, striving to conquer self and selfishness and to minister to the needs of others, you will gain victory after victory. Thus your influence will bless the world.

     Men and women can reach God’s ideal for them if they will take Christ as their helper. What human wisdom cannot do, His grace will accomplish for those who give themselves to Him in loving trust. His providence can unite hearts in bonds that are of heavenly origin. Love will not be a mere exchange of soft and flattering words. The loom of heaven weaves with warp and woof finer, yet more firm, than can be woven by the looms of earth. The result is not a tissue fabric, but a texture that will bear wear and test and trial. Heart will be bound to heart in the golden bonds of a love that is enduring.

    Better than gold is a peaceful home,
Where all the fireside charities come;
The shrine of love and the heaven of life,
Hallowed by mother, or sister, or wife.
However humble the home may be,
Or tried with sorrows by heaven’s decree,
The blessings that never were bought or sold,
And center there, are better than gold.
Anon.

 

 Note—[I love you by Gordon O.Martinborough.pp.179-182— Ten things every wife should know about her husband.

Support

He is proud to be a man. While society tends to belittle the woman, it is programmed to feed the ego of the man. Since the man thinks he is great, a perceptive woman will respect him. A wise wife does not serve dishes of humiliation; rather she provides a feast of admiration. Some men have physical power, some possess brain power, and others are blessed with other types of power, but every man has some quality that is worthy of honest commendation.

Job success is supreme.For the average woman- whether housewife or career person – home comes first. But for the average man, the job comes first. One of his highest goals is vocational success. Especially, in his early professional years, his job tends to be his obsession. An insightful wife identifies with her spouse’s ambitions, helps him achieve his goals, and inspires him to attain his full potential. In the words of the ancient sage, “Her husband has full confidence in her… she brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:11-12).

He shows love in Tangible Terms. We have said that love should be frequently expressed in verbal terms – the loving words we say. Love may also be shown in aesthetic terms – the tender tokens we give. Many men are most comfortable in revealing love in tangible terms – the dollars and cents. After all, if the former are present and the latter is absent, wouldn’t there be justification for questioning love?

He makes Decisions Differently. In general, men are more left-brained than women. This means that a man tends to process data logically and sequentially, proceeding from cause to effect. So, in solving a problem, the woman is more likely to be subjective and the man, more objective. While the wife uses her gift of intuition, the husband uses his skills of reason. In addition, the woman brings her feelings into decision making, while the man endeavors to put feelings on the periphery and deal with the raw data. Moreover, while the husband is often preoccupied with the facts of the matter, his wife is concerned with how that decision will affect relationships. An understanding of these differences will help to minimize conflict. Rather than repel, these differences should attract partners to one another, enabling each to welcome the other’s points of view for the enrichment of the decision-making process.

Sexuality

A man likes his Wife to stay attractive. Before marriage, a woman takes great care to be as attractive as possible to woo her mate. But sometimes, after marriage, she devotes less care to her appearance, taking the marital relationship for granted. Sometimes she forgets that on the job and in the community, her spouse is bombarded by attractive women and that competition ever lurks in the shadows. Every wife should help to provide an answer to her husband’s prayer, “Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil one” (Matthew 6:13). If ever he is tempted elsewhere, when a husband arrives at home, the temptation should vanish in the sparkle of his wife’s beauty and the perfume of her embrace.

The Man receives visual stimulation. A man is stimulated by what he beholds. When he sees his wife undressing, he is ready for sexual encounter. If she parades in fancy nightwear, he is turned on instantaneously. But when he appears in attractive pajamas, she isn’t impressed! For while he is affected by sights of love, she is stimulated by feelings of affection. Since feelings take time, her readiness is sometimes a slow process, needing care and patience. While she is like an electric stove, which heats slowly and slowly cools, he is like a gas stove, which heats up quickly and swiftly cools.

He needs sexual expressions of Love. Why does the man proceed through the three expressions of love more often than the woman? Because of his biology. Since there is a constant build-up of semen in the prostate gland, there is a frequent desire for release. In the prime of his life, this cycle is complete in three days. Because the woman’s biology gives her a different cycle of desire, the Christian wife needs, first, to understand the difference between her needs and those of her husband. Second, she needs to apply the biblical principle of putting her spouse’s desire above those of her own. “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:10).

Life cycle

He Struggles with Mid Life Challenges. The middle years – the forties and early fifties- are challenging times for both male and female. While the wife is trying to put new eggs into her nest, her husband is “closed for taking stock.” As he gets busy balancing his early goals with his actual attainments, his health produces indisputable evidence of the aging process, and warns that whatever has not yet been attained may never be accomplished. If the total picture is not positive, he may experience bewilderment, frustration, or even depression.

Middle age also affects sexuality. In the post-menopausal woman, sexual drive decreases. In the middle-aged man, however, his drive also declines, but his sexual desire does not diminish. He may even become more intimate. Some men whose lives are not controlled by Christian principles tend to have encounters with younger women to defy the aging process, to combat frustration, or to satisfy unfulfilled need. It takes divine wisdom and loving patience to cope with middle age. God’s challenge to each perceptive wife is, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).

Sensitivity

The Man Secretly welcomes encouragement. In his effort to maintain his male ego, the average husband does not tell his wife that he is hurting. He wears a shell outside while he is bleeding inside. Blessed be the woman who, like the Good Samaritan, recognizes the crushed victim, binds up his professional, emotional or spiritual wounds with the oil of tender care, shelters him within Love’s Inn, then pays the innkeeper- herself – with a sense of satisfaction.

He is sensitive to T.L.C. Unfortunately, some men are uncaring and unkind. But, given enough time, the constant dripping of love will wear away the stone of indifference. Joe was a village drunk who made life miserable for his wife. One night, he and his friends who were assembled in a liquor store, got into a heated argument over who had the best wife. “I swear I do,” Joe shouted, “and if all of you will follow me, I’ll prove it!” At midnight, when the intoxicated group arrived, Joe awakened his wife and ordered dinner for the gang. The Christian lady prepared the meal, but when she came to serve it, the guests were gone! Joe had won the contest.

Hours after, when sober, this man asked his wife “How can you be so good to me when I have been so unkind to you?” She replied, “I’m preparing for eternal happiness. And since, despite my invitations, you are not getting ready to go to heaven, I’m trying to give you a little happiness here on earth.” Joe’s heart broke, and he surrendered to his Saviour. It may take a lifetime, but a man cannot forever resist tender, loving care.

And how should husbands regard their wives?

Ephesians 5; 25-33 Husbands love wives, even as Christ also loved the church

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them

John 3:5 except a man be born of the water and of the spirit he cannot enter into the kingdom

Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh

Why should husbands be considerate of their wives?

1peter 3:7 likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel

1 Corinthians 7:3 let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence and likewise also the wife unto the husband

Note: I love you, pg 167- 171 Ten things every husband should know about his wife

Many of the problems that destroy marriages today result from a lack of awareness of the basic differences between male and female, and the failure to implement strategies to deal with these differences. Since the understanding of one’s spouse is an indispensable key to a successful marriage, let’s examine ten important facts about the woman.

Appreciation

She questions her self-worth sometimes. In our male-dominated society, the woman often gets pushed around. If she is a full-time housewife, some working friends infer that she is inferior. If she is a career woman, some of her male competitors turn her work place into a battlefield. In some societies, she does the same work but receives less pay than her male counterparts. Often, she sacrifices her pre-marital professional goals for those of her husband. These and other factors combine to cause her, at times, to ask herself the question: “Am i really important?” a husband needs to conscious of these challenges, develop a sensitivity to his spouse’s struggles, and find ways to enhance her self-worth.

A wife cherishes her husband’s expression of appreciation. Since appreciation enhances one’s self worth, the husband should serve it lavishly. Unfortunately, some men ignore it, while others forget it. For example, after enjoying a tasty dinner, many a spouse wipes his mouth and rubs his stomach, but forgets to say, ‘Thank you, honey that was delicious!” Every wife needs expressions of appreciation for what she does and for who she is. She cherishes these “everyday” expressions.

In addition, the husband should always remember those occasions that afford special opportunities for such reassurance – birthdays, anniversaries, and other significant dates. The Bible says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24).

She likes to have a “House-Husband.” Every housewife needs help. Heavy laundry, dirty dishes, and screaming children, day after day and week after week, cause frustration and boredom. A sensitive husband will take over the household duties periodically, giving his wife a day’s vacation. Such thoughtful activity says: I love; I care.

At the dawn of this century, the man was the sole earner and the woman the housewife. At the close of this century, when both spouses work outside the home and are money earners, should not both partners work inside the home in sharing household duties? In addition to her job, she is still a housewife. So, in addition to his job, he should be a “house-husband.”

Weaker and stronger

A woman changes moods and feelings. In the morning she may be smiling, but by midday she may be crying. Why does she experience such swings in mood? The bloodstream of the average woman carries twenty percent fewer red blood cells than that of the man. Since these red cells are the conveyors of oxygen to all parts of the body, less oxygen capacity tends to affect a woman’s coping mechanism and influence her moods and feelings.

In addition, the female experiences pre-menstrual tensions. The monthly cycle of the female reproductive system,…produces biological changes. These, in turn, affect her body chemistry influencing her emotions and behavior. A wise husband will be understanding and see these changes as opportunities to minister to his spouse with thoughtful, loving care.

She is a survivor. While in some respects the woman may be weaker, in others she is usually stronger! Usually, she has sharper hearing, brighter night vision, a keener sense of smell, and a stronger immune system. Her female hormones give her a greater resistance to heart disease during her child-bearing years. In addition, the woman’s corpus callosum, which is the connector of the left and right halves of the brain, tends to be stronger. This means that in the event of a stroke, there is a quicker transfer of brain functions from one hemisphere to the other, which in turn facilitates a speedier recovery. On the average, the woman outlives the man by eight years!

She is in intuitive.It is well established that the left and right hemispheres of the brain have different fields of function and varied modes of operation. While the left brain processes data linearly, using parts to form a whole, the right brain processes information globally, seeing the whole before recognizing its parts. The left hemisphere solves a problem logically and sequentially, whike the right solves it experimentally. So, while the left lobe uses analysis, the right brain uses synthesis.

In general, women are more right-brained than men. Consequently, they are more intuitive. This power of intuition enables a wife to arrive at a conclusion spontaneously. When she is asked for the reasons for her decision, she may sjmply say, “Something tells me so.” A wise husband will give attention and respect to his wife’s ideas, despite the absence of her data sheets.

Sexuality

A woman is stimulated by Feelings of Love. Unlike a man, a woman is not stimulated by what she sees, but by what she feels. In order for her to respond effectively, she must feel loved. For her, sex is not only physical; it is a very emotional experience. After a quarrel, or even a fight, a man may still be ready for a sexual affair. Not so with the woman! Her feelings have been hurt, and they must be healed before she is ready for such intimate activity.

She enjoys varied expressions of love. These expressions may be put into three catagories: The casual, such as holding of hands. The intimate, such as embracing. And the ultimate, or sexual expression. The man is an excellent mathematician – he loves to count! He moves with rapidity from number one, to number two, to number three. Whenever he gets intimate, he is willing to proceed to the ultimate.

Most women, however, are poor mathematicians – they do not always want to count! Sometimes  a wife starts, but stops at number one. She is satisfied with the casual expression. Other times she proceeds to number two, then stops. She is finding fulfillment in the intimate expression, and desires to go no further. Then at other times, she counts on to number three. She desires a sexual expression. Unlike a man, a woman enjoys  different expressions of love at different times.

Every husband needs to understand this basic difference and to learn to cope with these differences. He must learn that our priority is “not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbour (or partner)… For even Christ did not please himself” (Romans 15:1-3)

Affirmation

She needs new eggs in the Empty Nest. At each stage of her life, a woman faces a new challenge. When the children are grown and gone, the post-menopausal woman faces her “empty nest” with a feeling of inner emptiness. The objects of her decades of devotion have disappeared, and her desperate desire is to have new eggs in the nest! No not new children for nursing, but new activities for nurture. She needs new ideas over which to brood, new projects to feather. Maybe it is a new course of study to enrich her self-identity, perhaps a new line of occupation to enhance her self-fulfillment. She now says, “No” to procreation, but “Yes” to “pro-creativity.”

The caring husband will make the necessary sacrifices and adjustments and give the needed support to enable his wife to put new eggs in her nest. Here is how the apostle Paul states it: “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:10)

The wife needs to hear the precious words: “I Love you.” Before marriage, those words were uttered often, but after marriage, they are seldom spoken. The husband needs to say them over and over again. This affirmation of love is like oil to the engine. It must be changed often, but it must be present always. Without it, the perfect machine burns out; with it, even a mediocre machiene runs on and on.

Just in case a mate has a hard time saying it, he can start by writing it!  A love note can be put beside the pillow, under the plate, on the door of the refrigerator, or wherever it can be enjoyed. Remember that a whole Bible book, the Song of Solomon, is a love letter! In it Solomon writes, “How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!” (Song of Solomon 4:1).

Parents and children

Why should children obey their parents?

Ephesians 6:1-2 children, obey your parents in the lord: for this is right Proverb 23:22-26 hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old.

Proverb 1:8 my son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother

Exodus 20:12 honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land

Matthew 15:4 honour thy father and mother: and He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death

Jeremiah 35:18-19 because ye have obeyed the commandment of Jonabad your father, and kept all his precepts, Jonabad… shall not want a man to stand before me forever

Mark 7:10-12 for Moses said; Honour thy father and mother

Note—I love you Gordon.O.Martinborough.pp.221-222—How to Help your Child Obey—the Happy Way-Some homes are arenas for perpetual strife between parent and child. Day after day, and year after year, the battle of wills escalates as each vie for the supremacy. But in the plan of God, obedience is a duty. Writing to the Christians at Ephesus, the apostle Paul underscored this requirement when he said, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Then he quoted the fifth commandment, “‘Honour your father and mother,’’ pointing out that this is the first commandment with a promise (Ephesians 6:1-2). Children need to learn from their earliest years that obedience is the way to be truly happy.

But while it is a child’s duty to obey, it is the parent’s responsibility to create the climate for obedience. Therefore, Paul continued, “and you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (verse 4). Elsewhere he counseled. “Do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21). So, let’s contemplate steps that parents can take to motivate obedience.

The infant

Before the Child is Old enough to reason, teach the infant to obey. Often a parent makes the mistake of allowing the young child to have his own way, waiting until he is old enough to understand before giving guidance to his behavior. Then comes the discovery that it is too late. Scripture says, ‘Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it’

Note-Testimonies for the church .pp.497-498.Vol1 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the [new] earth.” “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.” Children who dishonor and disobey their parents, and disregard their advice and instructions, can have no part in the earth made new. The purified new earth will be no place for the rebellious, the disobedient, the ungrateful, son or daughter. Unless such learn obedience and submission here, they will never learn it; the peace of the ransomed will not be marred by disobedient, unruly, unsubmissive children. No commandment breaker can inherit the kingdom of heaven. Will all the youth please read the fifth commandment of the law spoken by Jehovah from Sinai and engraven with His own finger upon tables of stone? “Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.”

I was referred to many passages of Scripture that clearly show the young the will of God concerning them. These plain teachings they must meet in the judgment. Yet there is not one young man or young woman in twenty professing the present truth who heeds these Bible teachings. The youth do not read the word of God enough to know its claims upon them; and yet these truths will judge them in the great day of God, when young and old will be rewarded according to the deeds done in the body.

How should parents bring up their children?

Ephesians 6:4 ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord

Colossians 3:20-21 fathers; provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged

Genesis 18:19 he will command his children and his household after him

Psalm 78:1, 3-4 give ear…to my law: we will not hide them from their children, showing to the generation to come the praises of the Lord

Proverbs 19:18 chasten thy son while where is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying

By what means may the Mother bind the hearts of the loved ones at Home together?

Proverb 31:26 she openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness

Note—The Ministry of Healing .pp.371-372. What the parents are, that, to a great extent, the children will be. The physical conditions of the parents, their dispositions and appetites, their mental and moral tendencies, are, to a greater or less degree, reproduced in their children.

The nobler the aims, the higher the mental and spiritual endowments, and the better developed the physical powers of the parents, the better will be the life equipment they give their children. In cultivating that which is best in themselves, parents are exerting an influence to mold society and to uplift future generations.

     Fathers and mothers need to understand their responsibility. The world is full of snares for the feet of the young. Multitudes are attracted by a life of selfish and sensual pleasure. They cannot discern the hidden dangers or the fearful ending of the path that seems to them the way of happiness. Through the indulgence of appetite and passion, their energies are wasted, and millions are ruined for this world and for the world to come. Parents should remember that their children must encounter these temptations. Even before the birth of the child, the preparation should begin that will enable it to fight successfully the battle against evil.      
Especially does responsibility rest upon the mother. She, by whose lifeblood the child is nourished and its physical frame built up, imparts to it also mental and spiritual influences that tend to the shaping of mind and character. It was Jochebed, the Hebrew mother, who, strong in faith, was “not afraid of the king’s commandment” (Hebrews 11:23), of whom was born Moses, the deliverer of Israel. It was Hannah, the woman of prayer and self-sacrifice and heavenly inspiration, who gave birth to Samuel, the heaven-instructed child, the incorruptible judge, the founder of Israel’s sacred schools. It was Elizabeth the kinswoman and kindred spirit of Mary of Nazareth, who was the mother of the Saviour’s herald.

Note— The Ministry of Healing .pp. 374- 375 —Cheerfulness
The mother should cultivate a cheerful, contented, happy disposition. Every effort in this direction will be abundantly repaid in both the physical well-being and the moral character of her children. A cheerful spirit will promote the happiness of her family and in a very great degree improve her own health.      Let the husband aid his wife by his sympathy and unfailing affection. If he wishes to keep her fresh and gladsome, so that she will be as sunshine in the home, let him help her bear her burdens. His kindness and loving courtesy will be to her a precious encouragement, and the happiness he imparts will bring joy and peace to his own heart.

The husband and father who is morose, selfish, and overbearing, is not only unhappy himself, but he casts gloom upon all the inmates of his home. He will reap the result in seeing his wife dispirited and sickly, and his children marred with his own unlovely temper.

If the mother is deprived of the care and comforts she should have, if she is allowed to exhaust her strength through overwork or through anxiety and gloom, her children will be robbed of the vital force and of the mental elasticity and cheerful buoyancy they should inherit. Far better will it be to make the mother’s life bright and cheerful, to shield her from want, wearing labor, and depressing care, and let the children inherit good constitutions, so that they may battle their way through life with their own energetic strength.

Great is the honor and the responsibility placed upon fathers and mothers, in that they are to stand in the place of God to their children. Their character, their daily life, their methods of training, will interpret His words to the little ones. Their influence will win or repel the child’s confidence in the Lord’s assurances.

How will such a mother be regarded?

Proverb 31:28-31 Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her

How faithful should parents teach the precepts and commandments of God in their children?

Deuteronomy 6:7and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shall talk of them when thou sittest in thine house

Deuteronomy 4:9 keep thy soul diligently; teach them thy sons, and thy sons’ sons

Note— Ministry of Healing – pg 401-402,404-405 – True Education, a Missionary Training.

The home is the child’s first school, and it is here that the foundation should be laid for a life of service. Its principles are to be taught not merely in theory. They are to shape the whole life training. Very early the lesson of helpfulness should be taught the child. As soon as strength and reasoning power are sufficiently developed, he should be given duties to perform in the home. He should be encouraged in trying to help father and mother, encouraged to deny and to control himself, to put other’s  happiness and convenience before his own, to watch for opportunities to cheer and assist brothers and sisters and playmates, and to show kindness to the aged, the sick, and the unfortunate. The more fully the spirit of true ministry pervades the home, the more fully it will be developed in the lives of the children. They will learn to find joy in service and sacrifice for the good of others. 

The home training should be supplemented by the work of the school. The development of the whole being, physical, mental, and spiritual, and the teaching of service and sacrifice, should be kept constantly in view.  Above any other agency, service for Christ’s sake in the little things of everyday experience has power to mold the character and to direct the life into lines of unselfish ministry. To awaken this spirit, to encourage and rightly to direct it, is the parents’ and the teacher’s work. No more important work could be committed to them. The spirit of ministry is the spirit of heaven, and with every effort to develop and encourage it angels will co-operate.

Such an education must be based upon the word of God. Here only are its principles given in their fullness. The Bible should be made the foundation of study and of teaching. The essential knowledge is a knowledge of God and of Him whom He has sent.
Every child and every youth should have a knowledge of himself. He should understand the physical habitation that God has given him, and the laws by which it is kept in health. All should be thoroughly grounded in the common branches of education. And they should have industrial training that will make them men and women of practical ability, fitted for the duties of everyday life. To this should be added training and practical experience in various lines of missionary effort.

Let the youth advance as fast and as far as they can in the acquisition of knowledge. Let their field of study be as broad as their powers can compass. And, as they learn, let them impart their knowledge. It is thus that their minds will acquire discipline and power. It is the use they make of knowledge that determines the value of their education. To spend a long time in study, with no effort to impart what is gained, often proves a hindrance rather than a help to real development. In both the home and the school it should be the student’s effort to learn how to study and how to impart the knowledge gained. Whatever his calling, he is to be both a learner and a teacher as long as life shall last. Thus he may advance continually, making God his trust, clinging to Him who is infinite in wisdom, who can reveal the secrets hidden for ages, who can solve the most difficult problems for minds that believe in Him.

As a rule, men and women who have broad ideas, unselfish purposes, noble aspirations, are those in whom these characteristics were developed by their associations in early years. In all His dealings with Israel, God urged upon them the importance of guarding the associations of their children. All the arrangements of civil, religious, and social life were made with a view to preserving the children from harmful companionship and making them, from their earliest years, familiar with the precepts and principles of the law of God. The object lesson given at the birth of the nation was of a nature deeply to impress all hearts. Before the last terrible judgment came upon the Egyptians in the death of the first-born, God commanded His people to gather their children into their own homes. The doorpost of every house was marked with blood, and within the protection assured by this token all were to abide. So today parents who love and fear God are to keep their children under “the bond of the covenant”  –within the protection of those sacred influences made possible through Christ’s redeeming blood.     Of His disciples Christ said, “I have given them Thy word; and . . . they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.” John 17:14.     “Be not conformed to this world,” God bids us; “but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Romans 12:2.     “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? . . . and what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. Wherefore
“Come out from among them, and be ye separate . . .
And touch not the unclean; . . .
And I will receive you,
And will be a Father unto you,
And ye shall be My sons and daughters,
Saith the Lord Almighty.”
2 Corinthians 6:14-18.

“Gather the children.” “Make them know the statutes of God, and His laws.” Joel 2:16; Exodus 18:16.

“Put My name upon the children of Israel; and I will bless them.” Numbers 6:27.     “And all the peoples of the earth shall see that thou art called by the name of Jehovah.” Deuteronomy 28:10, A.R.V.
“The remnant of Jacob shall be in the midst of many
people
As a dew from the Lord,
As the showers upon the grass,
That tarrieth not for man,
Nor waiteth for the sons of men.”
Micah 5:7.
We are numbered with Israel. All the instruction given to the Israelites of old concerning the education and training of their children, all the promises of blessing through obedience, are for us.     God’s word to us is, “I will bless thee, . . . and thou shalt be a blessing.” Genesis 12:2.

Note—Ministry of Healing .pp.376-  The Privilege of Parents in Child Training
Happy are the parents whose lives are a true reflection of the divine, so that the promises and commands of God awaken in the child gratitude and reverence; the parents whose tenderness and justice and long-suffering interpret to the child the love and justice and long-suffering of God; and who, by teaching the child to love and trust and obey them, are teaching him to love and trust and obey his Father in heaven. Parents who impart to a child such a gift have endowed him with a treasure more precious than the wealth of all the ages–a treasure as enduring as eternity.

In the children committed to her care, every mother has a sacred charge from God. “Take this son, this daughter,” He says; “train it for Me; give it a character polished after the similitude of a palace, that it may shine in the courts of the Lord forever.”

The mother’s work often seems to her an unimportant service. It is a work that is rarely appreciated. Others know little of her many cares and burdens. Her days are occupied with a round of little duties, all calling for patient effort, for self-control, for tact, wisdom, and self-sacrificing love; yet she cannot boast of what she has done as any great achievement. She has only kept things in the home running smoothly; often weary and perplexed, she has tried to speak kindly to the children, to keep them busy and happy, and to guide the little feet in the right path. She feels that she has accomplished nothing. But it is not so. Heavenly angels watch the care-worn mother, noting the burdens she carries day by day. Her name may not have been heard in the world, but it is written in the Lamb’s book of life.

The Mother’s Opportunity
There is a God above, and the light and glory from His throne rests upon the faithful mother as she tries to educate her children to resist the influence of evil. No other work can equal hers in importance. She has not, like the artist, to paint a form of beauty upon canvas, nor, like the sculptor, to chisel it from marble. She has not, like the author, to embody a noble thought in words of power, nor, like the musician, to express a beautiful sentiment in melody. It is hers, with the help of God, to develop in a human soul the likeness of the divine.

The mother who appreciates this will regard her opportunities as priceless. Earnestly will she seek, in her own character and by her methods of training, to present before her children the highest ideal. Earnestly, patiently, courageously, she will endeavor to improve her own abilities, that she may use aright the highest powers of the mind in the training of her children. Earnestly will she inquire at every step, “What hath God spoken?” Diligently she will study His word. She will keep her eyes fixed upon Christ, that her own daily experience, in the lowly round of care and duty, may be a true reflection of the one true Life